Sup fellow finalists!
ONE THOUSAND STRONG
Competitors: Ganondorf (@sheikahplate) and Frank Fontaine (@gitgudatlife)
Designers: Chris (@overthinkery1) and Pix (@Pix1001)
Match Date: September 24th, 2018
Results Date: September 28th, 2018
Word Limit: 2000 words
Anyone can take on a single enemy. Taking on a dozen or so enemies isn’t really that tough either. But fighting an army of 1000 monsters born of the darkness left behind when a human body is deprived of its heart – now THAT’s scary! But that’s exactly what our lovely antagonists will have to do in this event if they plan to make it somewhere very important – the venue for their best friend’s wedding.
Villains keep strange company, so really it’s only natural that they would hang out with someone who thought a monster-infested canyon would be a cool place to tie the knot. As the best friend, your chosen bad guy (or gal, or gender-non-binary person) is obviously expected to be in the wedding. But to get to the front of the crowd, you’ll have to fight your way through one thousand Heartless, beings that feed on the darkness inside of hearts – and there’s a whole lot of dark hearts at this wedding!
Luckily, you’re not alone. One of the most iconic parts of the Battle of the 1000 Heartless in Kingdom Hearts II is the series of cameos from previous allies who show up to kick some tail and help you make your way through the Heartless army. In the Blogger Blitz championship, these partners are the characters you’ve defeated in battle! You can include in your post cameos from the two opponents you defeated directly, as well as the character your semifinal opponent defeated, giving you a total of three characters to partner with when taking on the Heartless menace.
So there you have it, fight fans. Our final bout of Blogger Blitz: Black Sheep will pit both competitors against an army of Heartless and culminate in a gaming wedding! You’ll get to see the match posts one week from today on Monday, September 24th, on the blogs of the competitors. The final results will be posted here on Adventure Rules on Friday, September 28th. It’s hard to believe that the competition is almost over, but this event will certainly be a fantastic finale! You won’t want to miss it!
This is it! Are you pumped? I definitely am. In fact, I really wish I had a cool and clever introduction for this thing but honestly, I don’t have much to say. So screw it, let’s just dive right into Fontaine’s grand finale which begins in
Ladies and gents, thank you all for coming to this wonderfully wicked wedding!
Now I know many people still think that my good buddy Andrew Ryan and myself are sworn enemies, but the truth is we buried that hatchet a long time ago… in his head. Nah I’m just kidding, it was a putter. Anyway, for those who don’t know me, my name is Frank Fontaine, I’m a business man with more felonies than Al Capone and have spent more years dead than in prison… but enough of my time on Wall Street. For those who do know me, well, I’m surprised you haven’t been sleeping with the fishes, but don’t worry, you’ll get a knock on your door in the morning. It really is a beautiful day for a wedding ain’t it folks! It’s always sunny in Columbia, and I couldn’t be more thrilled to be hosting the ceremony here at the beautiful temple of the raven; my new company headquarters. This place was a steal, though you folks won’t believe how hard I had to negotiate to get it. It was a hell of a story and frankly, someone ought to make a movie out of it, but that’s for another time. What can I say about my good buddy Andrew. Real tough cookie, he’s tried to kill me on many occasions, though only managed to succeed once. He’s also a proud dad. I’ll tell you Andy, kids grow up so fast these days. I remember when his boy was just a baby, but before you know it, he was taking performance enhancing drugs and swinging his nine iron like there was no tomorrow.
I also want to thank everyone for coming. This room is full of esteemed guests that make up the cream of the crop of Rapture’s social elite. Business leaders, politicians and socialites. I know we haven’t always gotten along. Some of you even testified against me, calling Fontaine Futuristics a criminal organisation, even gave the OK to have me killed. Now, there would have been a time where I would have acted with violence. But I am a new man, so instead of fighting, let’s raise a glass to the happy couple. And with this peace, there shall be no loose ends.
One of the most truly special things about weddings is how they bring people together. Whether they be a bride and groom, two sworn enemies or even a previous conquest. So that’s why I’d like to ask everyone to give a big round of applause for a few of my ex’s… ex competitors that is, who have helped me make today a reality. Xehanort, Jericho and Thel Vadam everybody! You see folks, in my line of work you end up making a lot of enemies. And these enemies almost threatened to stop this ceremony from happening at all! Originally we gonna have the Columbia police help provide security, but my ole buddy Andrew Ryan started screaming “no government!” over and over again. And that would have been just dandy if it weren’t for the fact that we had a bit of an infestation problem. But we ain’t talking rats here, nah, I checked with my lab boys and these things are called heartless, weird husks that feed on humanity’s darkness. That had me confused cause it sounds like a good description of everyone at today’s wedding.
Now a couple dozen of these husks would probably be no more problem that an evening with Sander Cohen, but a thousand? That’s a different ballgame entirely. And that’s also where my new friends come into the mix. Xehanort, Jericho and Thel Vadam puts in a real villain’s effort to ensure that union went off without a hitch. So firstly, I’d like to thank Xehanort, who overcame his bitterness in losing out on this beautiful estate to not only come to the wedding, but also provide some absolutely key information to me and my lab boys on how to deal with these heartless bastards! He told me that I needed to keep two things in mind, first, the heartless were lawless creatures that had no master, but would be willing to submit to those of strong will. Course that sounds like your run of the mill Rapture socialite. He also warned me that while the heartless may be willing to submit, if you have any heart at all, they could easily turn on you if you show signs of weakness. I told him I wouldn’t worry too much about that, after all, I’ve got neither heart nor weakness. But it’s the last little piece of info that really caught my attention. Now Xehanort explained to me that these things can perform inter-dimensional travel. Now i’ll try not to bore you with the details but for the last few years, Fontaine Futuristics have been trying to crack this little code. So far all we’ve been able to gather is one little phrase, “there’s always a man, always a lighthouse, always a city”. I hate cryptic crap like that. But these heartless use something called corridors of darkness. Once we ensured that we could funnel these creatures we set up the next step of the plan.
This is where my old nemesis Jericho comes into play. Don’t be shy Charlie, stand up, bask in your glory! Big round of applause everyone. I mean it too, Charles and his blue Cadillac were vital in our plan to beat the heartless. With the info that Xehanort gave us, we knew exactly where the heartless would funnel in; the Columbia welcome center. So that’s exactly what happened, with Charlie providing the welcoming party for the heartless horde. And my god what a sight! A thousand of these little freaks streaming into the town center, it kinda reminds me of my appearance at Villain Con, except those were fans rather than demon husks… actually I guess there isn’t much difference. But anyways, as the things poured through, Charlie revved his engine and the chase began, I told him to do whatever he wanted as long as he avoided the manor and ensured that all the heartless were brought to the Hall of Heroes. This is where the final piece of the puzzle would take place. But anyway, I don’t want to gloss over Jericho’s glory. You wanna know how I figured that Charlie had fun here? I told him to get to the Hall of Heroes in 20 mins, and so of course it only took 3 and a half hours for him to meander in. He shepherded the horde around the city like they were his flock, never dropping his speed much below 90 mph. And thank goodness folks, these creatures were pulling out all the stops to chase him, even using the damn skylines to try and keep up. But eventually, the fun had to come to an end and so the party arrived at the Hall of Heroes, and the final part of the plan.
Now, I have only recently met Thel Vadam, but he seems a decent guy, think he’s from out of town. He also goes by the name Arbiter, and you know how much I love a good nickname. After a few drinks, I realised that he would be perfect for the final stretch of operation. And so Arbiter and his elites set up for a final showdown in the Hall of Heroes, a fitting venue for the annihilation of an enemy. Now apologies for anyone that has gotten a chance to visit the Hall of Heroes yet, it truly is an entertaining retelling of history, something I would have been proud of myself. But for the next few weeks, it’s going to be… um… occupied. Now I’m told that the Arbiter is pretty good at dealing with armies called the flood, so when the heartless poured into the museum, the final result was never really in doubt. At first the hall was quiet. Eerily so. Only the sound of false patriotic animatronics in the distance. The heartless finally got a taste of their own medicine; they got to feel empty, knowing the fate that would welcome them as they walked deeper into the building. Now I was clear with what I wanted from Vadam and his men. “Dammit Arbiter, only take out the humanoid heartless, they are the captains, and once they fall the army will soon follow”.
And so the assault began. The power to the museum was cut. For 15 seconds there was nothing. A perfect darkness engulfed the room, and no one dare make a sound, not even breathe. The tension was was heavy and weighed down on our unwelcome guests. I knew the fire works were coming, and I watched with glee from the balcony with a whiskey on the rocks.
Five more seconds.
At that moment, the darkness was cut. Dotted sporadically throughout the room, blue lights penetrated the blackness. Blades of pure alien energy stared down the heartless. The elites prepared to strike. The was nothing that could be done, like lightning striking the earth, the elites lunged with their swords, taking out captain after captain. Every heartless that resembled a human fell before they could so much as raise the alarm. It was a ballet of neon blue and blood soaked red. A performance so theatrical, I could do nothing but give my applause at its conclusion.
But that was all that needed to be done. Soon the lights were brought back on and I walked down onto the stage. The usually feisty heartless minions were struck immobile. All eyes were on yours truly as I prepared my victory speech.
I OWN YOU.
I couldn’t tell if the things even understood English, but they understood me.
I strolled back and forth, making sure that each and every creature saw the depths of my eyes.
I OWN YOU.
And so, Mr and Mrs Ryan, I congratulate you on a wonderful wedding. It certainly wasn’t easy to ensure that the ceremony went smoothly, but with a dedicated team of some of the best in the villainy business, even a horde of heartless monsters couldn’t put a damper on this most perfect Columbia afternoon. Now if you’re wondering where the heartless army is now, I will get to that in just a moment.
So to end this little best man speech, I want to say a few words, that the great Andrew Ryan once said:
“There is indeed a season for all things… My strength is not in steel and fire, that is what the parasites will never understand. A season for all things: a time to live and a time to die. A time to build….AND A TIME TO DESTROY!”
Jericho! Arbiter! Xehanort! Open up the Corridors of Darkness.
I want to thank everyone for coming and in particular to Mr Ryan for agreeing to a wedding so far from safety. I want to thank the tycoons, business leaders and politicians, for leaving your fortunes so well unguarded back home. I want to thank my conspirators who tried to take Fontaine Futuristics away from me and tried to have me killed. Thank you all, for congregating in one convenient location, it really makes this so much easier for me.
Unleash the heartless!
Flood over these halls and leave no victim alive.
Elites! Guard the doors.
Jericho, rev those engines and make some roadkill.
I want to thank the happy couple, and wish them a lifetime of happiness, may your last few seconds be truly romantic.
When it comes to good business, there can be no loose ends. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a bathysphere to catch and a city to claim.
A man chooses… And I choose my throne.